Protecting Palestinian Land: Farming Under Occupation

SPEAKER_00 0:13

As Palestinians, we talk about the land all the time. But what does the land we're fighting for actually mean to us? It's the olive tree your great-grandfather planted, the one that continued to sustain your family's olive oil and meals for generations to come. It's your Sikhi harvesting fruits and vegetables to sell what she grew to provide for her family. The land is livelihood, our inheritance, and who we are. In this conversation, we're going back to our roots, back to understanding what we actually are fighting for. I'm joined by Lena Mustafa, the executive director of Montclair Community Farms and founder of Roots of Resilience, an initiative directly supporting Palestinian farmers on the ground in Palestine. This episode is honest, vulnerable, informative, and full of the city spirit. This is City Stories. I'm your host, Nena, inviting you to pour yourself a cup of tea. Sit with us and listen into the stories of who we are and where we come from. How are you? I'm so excited to talk to you today because I've like been wanting to get someone on the podcast who is like very like essentially like a falaha. Like I like love that. I love that you are like still so tied to like crops and agriculture. And I just like would love to have that larger conversation. But before we dive into your story, I always start with a Sidhi-inspired question. And so if we were sitting with your Sidhi today at your Sithi's house, what's the first thing that she would say?

SPEAKER_01 2:02

We'd be pulling out her favorite hilu, probably the stash that she hides for the important guests. Definitely. And she'll definitely ask you if you are hungry, whether or not you've eaten. That's another huge thing. She asks literally the people that pass by on the street. She's like, let me put you up. You'd leave with a fully caffeinated belly full of sweets and definitely full of good city food.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

I love that. That's the Palestinian hospitality that like centers are like so famous for. And so before we kind of get into a little bit more about your story, can you start us off with just sharing a little bit about your background? So, like, where are you from in Philistine? Where do you live now?

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Yeah, so I come from a village called Mohmas, which is in the West Bank of Palestine. I'm currently living in Clifton, New Jersey, but grew up in a combination of New Jersey, Philadelphia, and Philistine. So I had the honor of living in Philistine for a few years of my life on and off, but you know, altogether probably about five years. So it really ingrained me with the background and love of like the land, connection to people, really the understanding that community is everything. And now here I am, raising my three kids in Clifton and holding on to the fadahi that is who we are.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

I love it when I get to talk to a fellow New Jersey and it just like feels like home. And we actually found out on Instagram a couple days ago that you actually met my grandmother and you have a story with my grandmother, which is like so crazy.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Ali alhamha, first of all, I think that your grandma was such an icon, especially I I don't know if other women appreciate what she's done in terms of like building up like a business and just like her personality, like her presence. I remember seeing her at the grocery store and being like, wow, like what a gangster Hajja lady. Like she's so strong. Mashallah. But one day I was at a fundraiser for Pac or an event for Pak, and um I saw this Hedjah wearing an intifada soap, which I've never seen before in person. I've only heard of them. I heard of like the women stitching them. And I literally I remember like running towards her, and I was like, Hajja Khalti, Marhaba, Mashallah an Tobi. I was like, Bakdarat Sal Mah, like a celebrity. I was like, Can I please take a picture with you? And she's like, with this, like this pride. Like she's like, of course you can. Confidence, confidence. Oh my god, it was such an inspiring moment for me. And then she's like, Do you know who I am? And I was like, no, Walla, I actually don't know who you are. I was like, do I? I was like, you know that moment where I was like, does she know me? It's like, do I not know my my my aunties? And she's like, I'm a halima. And I was like, oh legend. I was like, so nice to meet you. And so the other day I was at a Totri's workshop, actually, and um the Intifada Thoab came up, and we and I strolled through my photos, and I was like, Oh my god, I have to like show the person that was running this workshop this beautiful thob. And it reminded me that you and her are connected, and I was like, Oh, I gotta send this to Leila and like show her just to like remind her. And it's amazing to see like part of her legacy like live on.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Yeah. Yeah. And I posted that picture the other day, was on her like first year since she's passed, and so many people messaged me because of that thumb. It's just such a powerful thumb. And I'll I'll put pictures like for everyone, I'll like reference it back for everyone to know what we're talking about. But yeah, I really hope to like recreate it myself one day, inshallah. That's like my like goal. Um, it was just so funny that when when you sent those messages because it sounded just exactly like her.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

I'll I'll never, I'll never forget. Like the I have like other memories of her, like seeing her like pull out in her car, and I was like, who is this lady? And then, like, you know, after I identified her face and like her name, all the connections started coming in. I was like, masha'allah, like she is an entrepreneur, a baddie, like she is who we should all aspire to be. Like, she is the epitome of like a Palestinian woman.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah. Allah. Yeah, I know. That's what I think is so amazing with doing this podcast, is I'm able to share our Siddi stories. Yes, and we're highlighting them, but we're also highlighting the people who came after them, like someone like you, for example, who's really taking their characteristic traits, taking kind of all the good that you learned from them and carrying it forward. So I would love to kind of jump into hearing a little bit more about what you do now. Uh, I know that you are the executive director of Montclair Community Farms in New Jersey. So, can you share with us a little bit like how you got involved in that and um kind of what your background was in for you to even like pursue a role like that?

SPEAKER_01 6:54

I'm the executive director of Montclair Community Farm. We focus on environmental education and food access, uh, which means we grow organic produce for communities who may not be able to afford healthy, nutrient-dense food. Like a lot of the seniors, for example, the senior citizens who live in these housing centers, who live on a fixed income, who may not have transportation. So, what we do is we grow it with the help of young people, and then we load it, take it to their sites, and um we accept SNAP with, you know, federal dollars like the WIC and all of the other stuff, the FMNP for the seniors. As I mentioned, like I did live in Philistine. So from a very, very young age, it was just very feral, always in the Beled in the Hara, truly like climbing up the trees, chasing my grandfather on the Ariv, and fig season would roll in, olive season. So I guess that was like very deeply ingrained in me. So growing up in Philistine really established this connection and love of the land. I started like seed keeping as a young girl, and kind of like the obsession just continued. And when I got married, uh I was living in Falstine. I came here with my my now ex. We bought a house a few years later, and I remember when we were looking at the house, just remember like the lawn being so big and just like so much green space that I was like, wow, like this can be a really beautiful garden. Like this could be something. And so by then I had children and I really wanted them to inherit, you know, you always want to influence your kids in one way or another, not like force it down their throat. So I would like grow gardens with them every year. And that kind of like just evolved. I started learning more about like factory farming, I started learning about like GMO seeds, and then I started learning about bees. And one summer I decided to run educational programs here in my backyard about bees. So I started with like the homeschooling Muslim community. It was really, really amazing. I love that. That's so cool. And then I applied for a position as a part-time farm manager in 2018 at MCF, and I just grew up the organization from there, just dedicated a lot of my energy to building community and helping people, which truly, truly, if I wanted to tie back what I do here in the States to Palestine, it's basically what I learned at Palestine. Just people caring for each other, seeing somebody in need, somebody stepping up. And that's basically what we do as an organization. We identify issues in our community and needs, and then we step up to solve them.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Yeah. I love how you were able to take what you learned through your background and carry it forward to the work that you do today. You also recently went on to create the Roots of Resilience.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

Yeah, um, Roots of Resilience is a mutual aid organization which supports farmers in the West Bank. And we do this through through three different things. The first is education, the second is financial mutual aid, and the third is solidarity. And honestly, the organization itself was born out of my genocide depression. Just real talk. I was in in the first year of the genocide, I was feeling so helpless. We were at every protest, every march, and nothing seemed to shake the reality of the situation. And then I started hearing more and more things happening in the West Bank. And while every all eyes were on Gaza, I started hearing, you know, settler attacks. And then a settler began squatting on my grandfather's layout. Uh, I think it was summer of 2024. I was planning to go back to Palestine with my kids. And um, I randomly talked to some friends about wanting to do more that summer, like not only going to spend a vacation, but like actually giving back to the communities that need it. And we launched a fundraiser and called it Roots of Resilience, and we generated a good deal of money. And we went to Palestine and we talked to farmers and we bought them equipment, bought them seeds, and just really showed them that people in the West do care, that Palestinians in the West do care, and Americans in the Midwest do care. And um, at Handila, the the organization is growing. There's a lot of support. This April we took a delegation down. It was our first group of people. We're about five, and we did similar work. We showed up to the land, we helped the farmer um rent land, pay for the seeds of the the project, and get the community together to, you know, not only grow food for their own food sovereignty sovereignty, but to remind Palestinians that our culture is built around the food and our connection to land. And with everything happening, farmers in Palestine are being pushed off of their land, and that just creates a greater dependency on Israel, which is what they want.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Yes. It's interesting because it's something that we all know in the back of our head. We all know that like Palestine is an agricultural land. It's a community who really depends on its land, and that's what we're fighting for. Like we all know that, but yet it's not something that we're having these conversations so point-blankly.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

It's it's really important to keep the conversation going. I think farmers worldwide are considered like a lower-class, marginalized community, and it's really no different in Palestine. But when we look at it from our perspective or our lens as Palestinians, like we have to look at them with the utmost respect and honor because they are on the perimeters of a lot of these occupied territories. You know, that means that they are running into these settlers before the actual villages run into them, right? So you have to think about like the shepherd that's traveling miles outside of his village to avoid the complaints maybe in his community of having a hundred sheep or lamb, right? So he's in the mountains and now he's getting attacked and his sheep are getting stolen. And they're they're basically herding us into smaller and smaller cities, right? Which eventually turn into ghettos. And this is not a new tactic. We've seen it happen here in the United States with the colonization of the Americas. And so when you look at it from the lens of a Palestinian, you're like, wait, our pride and joy are the falahien. They've held on to the utmost important parts of our culture, which is like our food culture, our agricultural culture, um, and and even the language.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

I know. And we falahis get so much hate. We are like the preservers of all of this.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Yeah, no, we should we should use use our falahi itch with a lot of pride these days. Like Chief Hadich, heavy on the chish, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Exactly. But so you recently went to Falestine a couple months ago, and I was following along through your Instagram. I think that's actually when I started following you, and I was like, oh my gosh, I so badly wanted to be there. Everything that you were doing just touched on my heartstrings, honestly. Can you walk us through what that experience was like? What were some of the things you guys were doing? What was the mission of you guys going? And what kind of was the outcome? And if somebody wanted to take a trip like that on their own or through you guys, how would that come about?

SPEAKER_01 14:07

In April, we took a delegation of five people back to Palestine. Some were actually Palestinians themselves, some were activists, like you know, just American activists. And um, the beauty of the trip was really just to connect them to the land. Many of them, the people in the group, were have been activists for Philistine for many, many years, some as young as 16 and never dreamed of stepping foot on the land. So, first of all, that was like the greatest honor for them to trust me in bringing them to Philistine. So that was really great. Another intention was, you know, the solidarity aspect, like, you know, just building trust with the farmers. You know, it's not that easy. We're a very traumatized society, though we're very warm and welcoming, it still takes a lot of effort to like really gain people's trust. So we would show up to like a village, for example, like Betir. And there's a lot to see in Betir. There's beautiful hiking trails, there's beautiful history, there's a beautiful hostel, there's beautiful people, but breaking the ice with the farmers is a whole other challenge. And I think one of the funnel days was when we met these very old farmers, like I'm telling you, like 90s, like late 90s. And they wanted nothing to do with us. We woke up at the crack of dawn and because that's when they farm. They wake up, they'd be salus, like that's it. And they wanted nothing to do with us because we had Americans, a Janib, you know, and I I had to bring out a falahi charm. Ana falah hazay, anamin mukmas, you know, all the stuff. And they warmed up to us so quickly. We ended up, you know, doing the heavy labor for them, which was, you know, just a gift in itself. Like not all the work that we do is about financial support. Many of the people, to be honest with you, don't want the financial support. They actually just want the solidarity, the camaraderie, the connection, you know. So we ended up just weeding this whole entire plot of land. We walked away with bundles of mints and zathar and all of these amazing uh goodies that they were just picking from their fields. But I think the the biggest impact was just showing not only the people that were with us, but also like the Instagram people, the joy and the opportunities to just celebrate with these humans. Like they need it so much. They need like this ray of hope or light. And if we can continue to be that for them, like to me, I'm like, that's a mission in and of itself, just bringing people joy. Um, but um, it was a wonderful trip. We also did a lot of work with Hani and Bissan, which are part of the Fedlaheen community over in Palestine.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

And so Philistine has always been an agricultural hub in the region. What do you want people, especially in the diaspora, to know about Philistine's role as a center of agricultural?

SPEAKER_01 17:02

I think we need to go back to understanding that though a lot of our people in Philistine are farmers, they still need to be upheld with like the greatest honor. A lot of people, especially here and there, honestly, are attached to this Western idea of how our identity should be, like getting rid of the fen lahi lingo, right? Getting rid of like the getting rid of this. Like not everything in our culture needs to be like modernized, right? And there's so much beauty in what we have been doing for the last, you know, thousands of years that we are slowly, whether we realize it or not, losing because we're not honoring it, right? Whether it's like our cultural foods living in the West, right? Like incorporating more like pasta into our diets or this or that, as opposed to like Imluhiya and Mensaf and Mekhlub and Dawali. So really just like holding on like our recipes, honoring like our cities, the people that came before us that have a lot of this ancestral knowledge, and and also honoring the fallahat, like the true fallahat. Like Imam Hadib, one of the mentors that we work with. Like she is a vault of information. We do a lot of work with her specifically because she's so open to being on camera. So like she loves talking to the camera, she loves harrifing and singing, and and like will really tell you like the history of why we do things like this. Like, she'll she'll do something like you know, seed save and she'll be like, like, this is how my dad did it. And it's like her dad did not have Google. So, like, I'm gonna follow what my ancestors did, and she knows what my ancestors did better than any article on Google. So for me right now, it's just really like realizing that the Felaheen in Palestine are the people that need our help the most and they're on the front lines of a lot of the violence that we're we're seeing.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Yeah, how has the how has the occupation impacted the food cultural or like agricultural aspects of the city? Huge.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Uh you can look at it from the lens of like the local economy, right? So one summer that I was there in Palestine, one of my friends, Bissan, who I just mentioned, talked to me about grape season. And when you're thinking about the occupation, you have to remember that they are loaded with resources that Palestinians don't have, that farmers don't have. We're not allowed to build greenhouses, we're not allowed to cultivate specific crops because the Israelis ha are dominating that market. So one thing with Dainib is, and in Palestine in general, is people eat seasonally generally. And so they flooded the market with grapes because they have the infrastructure like greenhouses to get the grapes to grow perfectly, to get the varieties that are ultra sweet with very little pest damage, all of that stuff, right? And everybody was eating up all of this anyp on the market. And then the Palestinian grape season rolled around and people were sick of grapes. So these head that had these beautiful dahlia on their balcona or property that will harvest the grapes and then take it to the market to sell were stuck with their crops. And that's their livelihood. And that's just one example. We can take every other crop and say the same exact story. They're basically outsparting us because of the resources that they have and flooding our market. And that's what they want. They want to create an ultra-dependent society.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

And even with just the restriction of water, I mean, like you can't you can't have any of your crops without water.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Yeah. Yeah. And we we have those tanks, those water catch basins, like we do have them. But what what are the Israelis doing now? They're shooting bullets through them. And we we see how in Gaza they use food as a weapon. So think about that for every single village, which right now the latest is that they're putting these gates on every small village in Palestine, you know. So just think about that from a power and control dynamic. So whenever they want, they can close that entry point. And if your village is completely dependent on imports, what happens? People don't have food.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

I know. And it and you know what's so crazy is when I hear you talk about that, it is very similar to the food deserts that we've created here in America as well. It's just it's all about control and it's all about restricting movement, restricting your resources. But it starts with food. And like, because that's just your your very basic level of think about survival, Leila.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Like, if you were in a situation, like your priority first is gonna be getting food. You can't do any you can't fight for liberation on an empty stomach.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Yeah, it's an important conversation to have because, like I said, we're always talking as like, yeah, we're fighting for the land. What does that what does that look like? Like, what's the knowledge behind that? Are there any plants or herbs or crops that are very uniquely Palestinian? And what does that mean? Symbolize like that they can only grow there.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Palestine is a defined border, right? Like borders are technically like man-made. So in the region, there are tons of things that grow like native. Like, for example, Zatar is a native plant that grows in the mountains of Palestine, but it also grows in like the valleys of Jordan and the Penan. Through time, things have evolved. So I wouldn't be surprised if like our Zatar is very like distinct to our land. But even that, you can't even forage Zatar anymore because it's illegal. There's also a ton of heirloom crops that are regionally specific to Palestine that our communities have held on to through seeds that have evolved with our like cultural cuisine. Not sure if you know the Palestinian Heirloom Seed Library, but they've been doing a lot of work on um seed saving and just preserving a lot of our amazing seeds. Like I grow the Bamia here and a bunch of other crops. Do you know what Zatmana is? That is a very popular herb. Um, it does have a scientific name. I actually did research it at one point. We call it uh na'anasil. It has like sage, mint, like oregano, even. It's so good. When I go to Philistine, that's the only thing my sisters want. They're like, bring us na'anasil. And so I bring it back. And when I went to visit one of the farms, Hakuritna, they were growing that in like bundles. So I got to like actually harvest it. But I I forgot what it's scientifically called. But it's an amazing herb. I feel like there's like some oregano, like some zatar vibes in there and then sage vibes. It's an amazing plant.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Yeah. And so hearing you talk about um the farmers of Folustine and all of the crops that we grow that are central to our heart really reminds me of my Sithis. And just thinking about how much my Sitti loved growing her olives and her own grapes. They were so valuable to her. Even when she got sick, this is not the grandma who lived in America. This is the grandma who lived in Folustine, but when she got sick, literally the first thing on her mind, she was like, Who's gonna who's gonna tend to my grapes come grape season? It especially makes me emotional because she just had such a deep love for her land that I think is hard to explain to others. It's hard for like other people to rationalize that. I would love to hear more about your sitties.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

I think that it's really beautiful that you're able to honor and uphold and also like continue sharing stories about both of your grandmas and their legacy. And I think that one thing that inspired me just from what you're saying is like we forget sometimes that our sitties, like these are the lands that they've always known. These are the lands that have held them for decades of their lives through all their trials and tribulations, right? So, like when you think about their love, it's not just you know, a love like the L O V E word, it's a deeply rooted connection to themselves, their legacy, their history, the past, their the ancestors that came before them, and the answer the people that will come after, like you, right? You know, Allah Alhamdulillah, your grandmas. I think even these stories that you are holding on to are so powerful, right? And like this is why we should learn more about like our agricultural why was it such a strong connection to your grandma? If she's on her deathbed, like why is she worried about her grapes, right? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

No, I could actually tell you. So she used to always say, like, that like when she had too much on her mind, it was like that was like a form of like therapy for her, you know? I mean, she has love for her land, but I think she like loved what what the land did back for her as well. It was a reciprocal like relationship, which I found so beautiful because she was a widow at like 28 years old with five kids, and so um yeah, the land was like her lifeline. She didn't have anyone else who can help her financially. So the land was her lifeline. She sold crops at Nicobad. So it yeah, it was it was like her love, her lifeline, and it was like her therapist all in one. But and then in a way, like her child. So when she got sick, and that was like her first thing, I was like, oh my god, she sees this as like her kin. Who's gonna take care of it when I'm gone?

SPEAKER_01 26:20

It's it might sound like such a foreign concept, but you literally just hit the nail on the head. Indigenous people do not separate themselves from the land. We are literally the land. And we understand that when we tend to the land, the land will tend to us. And I resonated with the parts that you mentioned about like your grandma being a widow, though I'm not a widow, I I am a divorcee. You know, had I not had this connection and fascination with the land, like I wouldn't have a career to actually self-sustain myself and my kids. This connection is actually my livelihood. I cultivate, I grow herbs and I sell teas. I grow medicinal plants and I make salves. And not everything is monetized, but like the joy and the beauty that I get from like my little garden. Like, I can't tell you how many people this season came and ate off of my fig tree. Like, and and I feel like a little city. Like I do feel like it's not my tree. Yes, I'm I'm just caretaking for right now, but it's like everybody's tree, you know? And and our cities teach us those things. I love Siti. I have a really close relationship with Siti Zawahi. She's my mom's mom. Uh, she's actually my only Palestinian grandma. My other grandma's Puerto Rican. But she taught me so much about my love for Palestinian and my connection to land and generosity and giving. Her hand is just open. Like she has this beautiful grapevine in front of her house, and like you would commit a crime if you pass by and rejected her offerings. Like you would get a big X on her book. She would only feel good if he took from her. So I I I try to hold her in the highest regard in that way and model these really positive behaviors and just the connection and allowing her to live through me in that way. But your story really Yeah. I felt that.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

That's so special. Even if our stories aren't the same, or even if our Sithi stories aren't the same, like they kind of all have the same basis of strength and resilience and carrying that forward for the generations to come. I would love to hear more about your grandma and if you could kind of tell us where she's from. Did she always live in Philistine? How did she end up in America?

SPEAKER_01 28:33

Yeah, um, my grandma, her name is Zahi. She is also from Mohmas, so all from the same village. She had a really tough upbringing. Her dad was arrested multiple times. Um, her mom only had female daughters. So Sitislad Halet Hamha had to feed the family. She had to hustle. And how did she hustle the same way that we're talking, like through the connection to land, right? She was a farmer. She later got married to my grandfather, and it was a really cute love story. They like loved each other really young, and then he came back and married her, and they migrated to the United States. And uh, you know, like many young couples, they at first began to like kind of like assimilate. And my grandma wants me to forget these stories. But like when they first came here, you know, they were trying to like fit in and doing like the little 60 bobs and pearl earrings and like no thwab, none of that. But very quickly, I think they realized the importance of the erasure of our identity, and she just did the whole 360, just like made a turn and then really went in with her falahi vibes. And um, she is a baddie. She has a she had she can't she gave us all her thwab, but she had an amazing can collection of thwab. She's definitely like more, she's definitely more of like a girly girl than um like a falaha like me. Like she'll garden but she won't farm kind of thing. But she is the best cook that I have ever been around. And when she makes something, I'm like, sit those, like what did you put in this? And she's like, When is she in the health and fit? Oh, ooh, like like she'll name like three or four spices, and I'm like, this is impossible. But there's just something so special about like grandma's cooking that I guess mentally it just tastes a thousand times better. She's known for her chic style, always being trendy. She's known for her generosity. Um, now she's known on the internet for yelling at me for not wearing hijab. So when I was telling her about this podcast, she's like, hijab. I was like, Sitti, like I'm not wearing the hijab right now. Inshallah. But she she's she's just so funny. We have like this like uh You gotta love Siddhis.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

They um they will always share what's on their mind, you know. You gotta love them for it.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

But she loves me, and um the relationship, the relationship that we have is like one of like, you know, she doesn't mind that I challenge her, you know what I mean, and share my perspective. She may not agree with it, but she'll definitely listen to me and I'll know she's proud because she'll give off this like tiny little smirk, like this little smoke, as I always FaceTime her. But yeah, she's she's an inspiration behind a lot of the things that I do and the desire to hold on to the very old cultural parts of our identity. Just I don't want to modernize in every way, you know. So that's something that I pull from her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

No, I love that. I love hearing a little bit about her. What lessons did she pass down to you?

SPEAKER_01 31:32

My grandma has very high standards, she's very particular. I can't even tell you. Like her high state, like she's a princess. Princess treatment only. She she's like my grandfather would deleha all the way.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

I love that. I feel like it's like rare to come by to with Palestinian.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

But she really taught me like having high standards because like over time those things go down, you know. Like when you start low, it's hard to make them go up, but when you start high, it's a different story. But but definitely high standards and generosity. I've never seen anybody give more than my grandma does, and I feel like the more you give, the more you get. It just comes back tenfold. Do you see her influence in the way that you approach certain things in your life? I'm very social, so I'm very, very friendly. Like people generally will gravitate towards me, and I definitely see it in my grandma more than I even see it in my mom. Like, my mom is more like reserved, kind of like, but like my grandma literally is like a light. Like everybody loves her, everybody will come and visit her, everybody will talk to her. Like, she's I think part of like my personality definitely comes from her. Because my my other grandma is very different. She's also very reserved, and I'm here like da-da-da. My grandma and Falcons we go to a masjid, any masjid, even if it's on like Nabdis, somebody will come up to her and be like, Inti zawahi, like inti zawahi. Like, are you zaway? And she'll be like, oh, and my grandma will not know who they and she'd be like, You did this, this, that for me one day, or like you helped this person and that person. So those kind of things really carry, carry with me. Oh, mashallah. No, just like her love and her heart and her overbearing need to like feed people.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

But that's an incredible like legacy for her to kind of pass through her grandchildren. I think that's so beautiful and special, mashallah. Um uh, what is your favorite dish that you feel like connects you to her the most?

SPEAKER_01 33:26

Does it have to be one? Okay. So to be honest with you, I think that my grandma's Makluba and Doadi are literally like like if I was on my deathbed, that's what I would ask for.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Okay, well, next time we don't see Luzy, that's what I'm expecting.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

No, no, it her Douat is a love language, and she will literally let you know that she spent five hours lifting this Tanjirat Wadek Dawadi, and it was specifically for you. I cannot master my grandma's cooking. I know how to do all the things, but she it's just special when it comes from them.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Yeah, I know they have just this like niffs and like love that they've like put into it, and it sounds cliche, but when they cook with love, it really shows. You kind of touched upon this a little bit earlier with I think it was your great-grandmother about how her husband was in prison. I would like to talk about a little bit deeper is because when you have a woman in the Beled or in Philistine and their husbands pass away or get killed or get imprisoned because of the occupation, then it leaves the woman to play this bigger role in the resistance. And so, what role do you think the Palestinian women play in the resistance?

SPEAKER_01 34:41

What role didn't they play, especially back then, honestly? I think that the women from that generation were definitely a lot more bolder and stronger than anything that we've ever seen in today's world, that's for sure. I know that she raised the kids while he was in jail for many years. The British imprisoned him for having something, and she held down the fort. And at that time in her life, just in regards to like resistance, right? And like bearing an heir, she had three daughters, and by the time he came out of prison, she was a lot older, and so she knew like he needs a son, so she actually got him married, and this second wife had a bunch of boys, and it doesn't end there, and then when she had all the boys, she had one girl and she died. Aler Hamha and um my grandmother ended up basically raising all of these kids, all of them all together. So when you're thinking about like the resistance, right, that takes so much out of a woman to like sacrifice so much of her life, be patient, and then have to be in a place where she's like, Okay, like I need I know you need this, and here's an opportunity to do it, and then you end up basically raising all of the kids. So when when I think about that, I just the embodiment of what a Palestinian woman is and like the strength and the sacrifice that comes with it. I don't I don't know that our generation can ever understand that truly, truly. And and it comes from a place of like deeply rooted like resilience and resistance and strength. Just another story. My my grandfather, my dad's dad, who is Palestinian, his mother gave birth in a wheat field. Literally, she had the baby while she was harvesting chemith. She put the baby down in her garb, like her, whatever she was literally had the baby, put the baby down, finished what she was doing, put the chem the load on her head, and walked home with a baby.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

Oh my god. With nothing with like no pain, nothing.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

Like when my grandfather told me this story, I was like, that that doesn't sound possible. And he, like when I like challenged him, he's like, This is the story of my birth. I'm like, okay. That's insane. But like that level of strength, that's literally when I'm having a hard day. Like, I literally will meditate, like, take deep breaths, and I'll think about like the ancestors and the women that came before me. And I'm like channeling that courage, that strength, that level of resilience, and pushing forward into my future.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

It's different than what they've experienced, right? I think it's all relative towards the experiences that we are facing. Your strength is defined by whatever type of experiences that you are experiencing, and um, it's just like a relative different level of strength, but it doesn't mean that you can't inspire from their strength or from their resilience. And you actually wear so many different hats, like you're a founder, an executive director, a single mom. And I'm sure you have to pull in from you know their strength or their resilience to kind of carry you through those things. How do you balance those roles and what gives you the strength and what cushions you from?

SPEAKER_01 38:01

I'm gonna start off by being fully transparent. I don't, I don't balance. And I think based on our conversations prior to this podcast, like you know, like been dealing with some health challenges. Um, I would say it's definitely not easy, right? Like being a single mom is a lot of demand. I think just that alone is enough to like truly like make somebody collapse. But I think what motivates me is the desire to do good and the desire to truly um to truly be the change that I want to see in the world. I have always had issues with uh watching people suffer, injustice. There I didn't see the logic in eating and having all of this excess, and then like my neighbor starving down the road. You know what I mean? So when I found the work that MCF was doing, Montclair Community Farms, it just made so much sense. Alhamdulillah, like God gave me a green thumb. I have been growing food all of my life. I so it made total sense. And honestly, like that's really what keeps me in the game. That keeps me going is knowing that like God chose me, gave me this skill, this connection, this knowledge to actually manifest that in the real world and help amplify more good. Like I'm just a conduit. That's how I think about it. Like I'm one person that has these things that can help influence and and just change reality for a lot of people in in the smallest micronutrient of ways. It doesn't have to be like something, right? It's just a matter of like providing somebody with healthy, nutrient, dense food, or a farmer with the resources to to feed his family, right? But it's it's just like a passion thing, I think. Just like I just want to be able to do as much good in the world.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

That's a really special perspective to have because everyone has a certain skill and not everyone has like the same skill or the same level of skill. And so God really did give each and every one of us a unique skill. If that's your gift, then you're doing everyone a disservice by not sharing that gift.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

When you think about a flower, right? The flower blooms, it's so showy, but then what does it do after it blooms when it's dried and crinkly? It's literally birthing seeds so that it can share its love with the rest of the world and so that those seeds can actually like spread and continue to give. Like plants keep giving us. So I don't see a difference in that. We have to share that knowledge. We have to keep telling the stories, we have to keep inspiring the next generation. We have to help our neighbors, every religion that's like, you know, your love your neighbor.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

I love that you're able to do that through something as simple as plants or gardening or food. It it's something that we can all use, something that we all need. It's a something that everyone's able to be able to rationalize and understand and connect with. So I think that's so special that you're being able to go about it through that avenue. We did talk a little bit online um about how you've kind of been navigating chronic illness or and like also invisible illnesses as well, which is like some yeah, I mean, it's something that like I like really relate to as well, like personally. It really shapes the way that you like move through the world. And it could really bring you down physically and like mentally as well, if that's just something that you're like open to talking about and sharing how you're able to kind of navigate through that, um, even on days that you feel like you can't.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Um, 2025 was just it's going into my books as like one of the hardest years from like a health perspective. I'm generally like very active, live a very like holistic and natural lifestyle. I don't do medication, I don't do antibiotics. I barely do even Tylenol I feel like literally. And suddenly this year I just got hit with like one thing after another of insane. I got diagnosed with H. pylori. I got diagnosed with H. pylori, which is a stomach bacteria that causes gastritis and ulcers and all this other stuff. And then while I was in Phelestine, I injured my finger, starting a fire, and then it caused a bone infection. And then more recently, yeah, it's all like Oh my god. More recently, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease, and I'm like, okay, I fixed the H. pylori. And then I got my finger healed. And then suddenly it was like the Lyme disease. But what people don't talk about is the invisible illness. I still showed up to work every single day. I still took care of my kids. I still had to cook, I still had to clean, but I was like actually feeling so terrible and I was suffering. And I think the hardest thing for me was like watching my mental health go down the hill. And I'm a very positive person. I'm I'm fun, I'm excited. And all the lenses suddenly in my brain, all I can see were the weeds, all I can see were the negative things. I was doom, gloom. And I really believe that's the direct correlation with your gut health and your mind, right? So, like when you're on long-term antibiotics, which I was, it wipes all of your microbes out, it wipes all the precursors to like serotonin and oxytocin, the happy hormones. And alhamdulillah, I have like a really great um support system. My friends were like really checking up on me every single day, and like I'm gonna be taking off for work because I had to my summer season, I couldn't take off to take care of myself. Um, so I had to like nurse my my health back while working. And now I'll take this next month off. Um, I'll be going back to Palestine where my heart will truly fully feel here. Um But it it was really hard expressing to like family and friends like, hey, I'm not okay. Actually, I'm not okay. And I'm usually the strong one, right? I'm I usually have All the answers. I'm usually the I'll figure it out person. But it was really, really hard for me to ask for help and like express like, hey, like I'm suffering.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

Especially when they see you out and about. And then it's just like, oh, but you were doing this. Like I saw that you were at this event, or I saw that you were hiking. And how come today you can't give the same energy or do the same things? And it's just like that's the hard part about like invisible illnesses or just like autoimmune conditions in general. It just it's such like a wave. And it's because of the fact that it's invisible, it's just like it's just, I don't know. For me, that's always the thing that I find the hardest part is like trying to navigate that with like people and like having people understand like how truly terrible I feel one day, but then like the next day I can like kind of like rally and like put it together.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

My advice, Leila, to you personally and anybody that's listening to this is truly, truly surrounding yourself with the people that ask you how you are and the people that are not afraid of the real answer. Because we're so we're so prone to living in this like very superficial society where you're always expected to give 110% when that's not realistic. And there's so much shame when somebody asks you, like, how are you? for you to be like, actually, like, I'm not okay. Like, actually, I woke up today. I feel dread, you know, that heavy feeling of anxiety of like, oh my god, I have to go in to work on a Monday. And you need people to create safety in receiving, like, hey, like, I yeah, I'm at work, but I'm not feeling all that well. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 45:37

Yeah. Right now, with the way things are happening in Falseen and in Kaza, I feel so like why am I even complaining? I'm gonna just say I'm I'm feeling fine, I'm feeling good. Okay, yeah, I I don't feel that great, but like I can't complain right now. And it's not that anyone else is like making me feel that way. I genuinely am like, what the heck would I be complaining about? Like, I'm literally scrolling and like seeing on my feed the most horrific things. But at the same time, like because of everything that's been happening in Gaza, that's actually affected my autoimmune conditions like 10 times more because it's all about like your nervous system and how your body like deals with stress. And so those like mental stressors have really affected my health journey a lot more. I feel you.

SPEAKER_01 46:24

I know, I know, because it's your personal stuff, your family stuff, what all the other stuff, and then this underlying chronic stress of the worst things that we have ever seen in our lives. Like for me, the most traumatizing, scariest movie that I've ever watched was the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which I left the theaters. I left the theater because I was so disturbed. And we have seen different I've seen every single which way a person can die, and and literally like child, grandmother, grandfather, uncle, auntie, every single person that we've grown attached to on our phones die. And there's no human way for us to be okay as Palestinians or people that are half-hearted, even like and then factor in all the other illnesses. So, like one thing that I think helps me honestly is the work that I'm doing. If I'm a doer, I need tangible steps to creating change. Otherwise, I get swallowed in helplessness and grief and all of the other stuff. Um, but when it comes to chronic illness and autoimmune diseases, unfortunately, like you have to take care of yourself first. So sometimes that might mean disengaging from social media until you're stable and then dipping a toe in, not your whole foot, literally like coming back with just a toe.

SPEAKER_00 47:54

But I even like feel guilty like saying that. What a privilege that I have to be like, well, I'm just gonna close my phone or like not go on Instagram and stuff. So it is a privilege.

SPEAKER_01 48:05

It is a it is, it is a privilege, but I also want to just remind you that we have to be very careful with what guilt we carry. And I think all of us as Palestinians right now carry a degree of survivor's guilt. Like, why was I a Palestinian born in America and not a Palestinian born in Gaza? Like this is where I think faith comes into play. It's Nassib, and you're contributing to holding on to the preservation of our of our cultural identity and all of these stories. And maybe that's your responsibility in this world, right? And then I'm a seedsaber and I do this other, and that's mine, and then somebody else next to so it's okay for us to like pull back, take care of ourselves, live attend to our needs, and then step right back in. And as we also know that this is a lifelong journey, like I will never stop advocating for Felestine, right? There is nothing in this universe that will stop me like the end of my life, right? So we have to believe that.

SPEAKER_00 49:05

I love how you're like I love how you're like the one that's like consoling me.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

Well, you know, it's it's it's not it's not consoling, it's just sharing from experience because like I I I I really do. Like I learned so much. Like we started, you know, the just this whole thing about like invisible illness. Like I never had to think about that because I never went through it.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

Yeah, yeah, no, I've been in this club for like.

SPEAKER_01 49:31

The more you share, the more you're educating. So talk about it, talk about it, talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 49:35

Yeah. You said something really interesting about survivor's guilt, which like I've always like thought of, yes, but like why are we like carrying guilt for something that we didn't do? Like when you carry guilt for something, it's because you're ashamed that you did this like thing, right? You feel bad that you're doing this thing, but it's like we didn't do anything wrong. So why are we like carrying this guilt? Like Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

It's not necessarily guilt of like harming somebody else, but like, for example, me, right? My in the line of work that I do, like you know how hard it was for me to share an update about my garden because I have followers from Radzah.

SPEAKER_00 50:17

Yeah, even with me, I'm like, how am I gonna like post about my podcast? And then like on the next like scroll, it's like the most like horrific thing like you've ever seen. I have to just like keep reminding myself like what I'm doing has a point. Preserving stories, you know, of our past will carry us forward. Like we can only know where we're going with by having the answers from our past. And I think it's just like something that's so important, honestly, to even encourage other people to call up your grandma. Like you still have your grandma in your life, like you're so lucky. Call her up, ask her these questions, like document it in your own like little family way, like of writing on you know, writing all your grandma's recipes or something, like just do some kind of documentation, I think is so important.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

So yeah. We have to balance it out with joy, right? We see too much suffering around our identities, and we're here to balance that out with connection, joy, relationship building, just like our city's did, right? Like, I'm sure my city knows your city. That's what that's what we're doing. We're carrying on their legacies through connection and and love and pride of who we are, and that's so important.

SPEAKER_00 51:28

Exactly. And that actually brings me to my next question. So life is all about peaks and valleys, and without the valleys, we wouldn't really appreciate all the peaks. And what have been some of your peaks that have like really affirmed that you are exactly where you are meant to be? Dang, that's a that's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 51:45

Uh and not to be so cliche and like keep bringing it back, but truly, like my connection to land. Yeah, I mentioned earlier in the podcast that I am a divorcee. I left a very abusive relationship. My garden was literally my therapist for a long time. One of my hardest days in my marriage was during COVID, and I flipped my whole entire backyard and turned it into a pollinator garden in one day because of all the rage that I felt inside. But that said, during that time, as I was like beginning to like embark on my career and like starting to fill my cup and like really believing in who I am and like my capability, I had to push past some of those negative critics of like, you're never going anywhere, you're not gonna be anything, you can't do this, you'll never survive on your own. And I would definitely say those are that those are like some valleys. And um, now, alhamdulillah, like I said, um, I'm the executive director of a nonprofit that I'm very proud of. I'm the founder of Boots of Resilience, I'm a leader in food sovereignty in the state of New Jersey and food access. I if you would have told me this was gonna be me 10 years ago, I would have been like, it's like no way. Raising three kids as well. Watching my daughters see their mom flourish, watching me trailbrook this so that they don't have to go through some of these difficulties, right? I talked about my grandma and setting like standards. Like I didn't really know those standards were a thing till now to like reshape my personality and my identity after my marriage. And I know for sure like my daughters are gonna see me and look at me and be like, well, look at my mom, right? If my mom didn't accept it, I won't accept it. So it's just it's just a matter of just really like identifying where you were and where you are now and being proud of yourself and every day like having like a positive narrative in your in your mind, the positive voice of like you're gonna be okay, you are worthy, you can do this, and and just navigating your life from that perspective of like there will always be valleys and peaks. You won't stay in the valley and you won't stay in the peak, but in order to get to the peak, you have to take that step, right? You have to take that first step. And and that's something that I I look back on and I'm like, okay, I'm like I didn't know I'd be here, right? So Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:00

And you've come so far. I mean, like you've Oh my god. Yeah, you've come so far, you've uh been able to accomplish like so much, Michelle, in like such a short period of time. What's something that's next for you?

SPEAKER_01 54:11

I I envision my investing a lot more of my energy and building out roots of resilience. Um I feel the most joy when I'm working with our mission and the people that I know need us the most. So my my goal is to just continue supporting the farmers in the West Bank. Um, I'll always do the work that I'm doing here in the States, but it's not the same connection and joy that I have of like preserving our culture and being a part of the future, right? Like the legacy that people are gonna find, you know, like we are the ones, we are the seed keepers, we are the holders of our tradition. And that that makes me like really excited and makes me feel like I want to look forward to the future. I want to see a liberated Palestine in a lifetime in Stalma, and we'll continue to do the little things until we get there, you know. But um, yeah, I definitely wanna continue building roots of resilience as an organization.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

I'll put all the information in the episode description. And are you going to be documenting your upcoming trip to Fallsine?

SPEAKER_01 55:16

We are we're all we're working on um some short docuseries. So we just finished our Fudika harvest where we created a short documentary around just like the celebratory aspect of our agriculture, right? Like what it means to like put your seeds down and trust in like, you know, the weather or whatever's gonna happen, and then to celebrate the harvest. So we're gonna be doing something very similar with the olive harvest. So I'm excited to do that. Yeah. And inshallah next next spring, we'll take a group of people back to enjoy uh the land and the people and the food and really uplift whoever we come across.

SPEAKER_00 55:54

Oh my God, that sounds just like such a dream, honestly. Just such a beautiful mission to go on. So before we close, we always bring it back to our Siddhis, uh, just because they are kind of like the anchor of this podcast. And so if your Siddhi was here with us sipping her shea and, you know, serving us her sweets and listening in on this conversation, what do you think she would be the most proud of?

SPEAKER_01 56:17

I definitely think that she's really proud of the woman that I am today. I think she's proud of the mother that I am and the relationship that I have with my daughters and with my mom. So just like bridging that connection. Like we all have like a really close connection. I think she's really proud of the work that I do in my garden. In fact, she'd like asks me for pictures and she'll like pull out her phone and like brag about it to people like, look what Lena gro. Um, I really want her. My dream is for her to see that the work that I do for Felstein is inspired by her and my grandfather's love for Felestine. And I think without their love and their insistent, I feel like crying, oh my God. It's okay. Feel your feelings. I think that without their, you know, just dedication to making sure that we got there, that we lived there, that we were comfortable there, we I probably would not have this connection. It's definitely influenced by like living there and having those like very strong familial ties and just like preserving our Palestinian identity as a whole. That's such a gift and you were getting it. It definitely changed my life. It shaped who I am. Like would never change my childhood for anything in the world, even though it's hard as heck, but still, it was beautiful.

unknown 57:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:31

Yeah. Well, that's so sweet. I know she's so proud of you. And I mean, getting a city to brag about you, that's a pretty hard feat, you know, to accomplish. So that definitely means she's like really proud of you. And thank you so much for sharing your story, your strength, and your heart with us. What you've been building with the roots of resilience is not just about farming, it's really about preserving our heritage, strengthening our communities, and ensuring that Falcine continues to live through the land. And I like really can't wait to see what's ahead for you.

SPEAKER_01 58:02

Thank you so much for the opportunity to connect with you, to share, to cry, to laugh, and just and just honor who we are as like women, you know. It it's really such a pleasure. I'm so proud of us.

SPEAKER_00 58:16

Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know what? Yeah, I'm proud of us. That's a good way to like and wrap this up. Is I'm proud of us. That's a good one. Yeah. We should start saying that we're gonna do that. That's how we're gonna title this.

SPEAKER_01 58:31

This is such an honor. Thank you, Leila.

SPEAKER_00 58:36

What I keep thinking about after this conversation is how easy it is to talk about our land in theory. But when you actually sit with a farmer, when you hear what it takes for them to keep planting, when you understand that the water can be cut, crops can be restricted, their lives can be put at risk, but yet still someone at 75 years old still wakes up the next day to tend to their trees. It changes the way that you hold that word. Through Roots of Resilience, Lena isn't just talking about Palestinian farmers. She's showing up for them, financially, physically, working alongside them, making sure that they know they're not invisible. If this conversation stirs something in you, follow Lena, follow Roots of Resilience, keep up with the work she's doing, and see how you can support directly Palestinian farmers. And maybe in your own way plant something. You can even grow Palestinian seeds through the Palestinian Heirloom Seed Library to help continue to preserve pieces of Palestine. You can find all of Lena's socials, the organizations mentioned, and additional resources in the episode description below, as well as where to stay connected with Sity's Stories. This is Siti's Stories. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, Malastinema.